|
This is such a
great story. You may have read it before on the internet. It has
great advice in it.
Tahira
------------------------------------------------
ADVICE FROM A
MOTHER TO HER DAUGHTER ON HER WEDDING DAY
`Abd al-Malik said: "When `Awf ibn Muhallim al-Shaybani, one of the
most highly respected leaders of the Arab nobility during the
jahiliyyah, married his daughter Umm Iyas to al-Harith ibn `Amr al-
Kindi, she was made ready to be taken to the groom, then her mother
Umamah came in to her, to advise her, and said:
`O my daughter, if it were deemed unnecessary to give you this advice
because of good manners and noble descent, then it would have been
unnecessary for you, because you possess these qualities, but it will
serve as a reminder to those who are forgetful, and will help those
who are wise.
`O my daughter, if a woman were able to do without a husband by
virtue of her father's wealth and her need for her father, then you
of all people would be most able to do without a husband, but women
were created for men just as men were created for them.
`O my daughter, you are about to leave the home in which you grew up,
where you first learned to walk, to go to a place you do not know, to
a companion with whom you are unfamiliar. By marrying you he has
become a master over you, so be like a servant to him, and he will
become like a servant to you.
`Take from me ten qualities, which will be a provision and a reminder
for you.
`The first and second of them are: be content in his company, and
listen to and obey him, for contentment brings peace of mind, and
listening to and obeying one's husband pleases Allah.
`The third and fourth of them are: make sure that you smell good and
look good; he should not see anything ugly in you, and he should not
smell anything but a pleasant smell from you. Kohl is the best kind
of beautification to be found, and water is better than the rarest
perfume.
`The fifth and the sixth of them are: prepare his food on time, and
keep quiet when he is asleep, for raging hunger is like a burning
flame, and disturbing his sleep will make him angry.
`The seventh and eighth of them are: take care of his servants (or
employees) and children, and take care of his wealth, for taking care
of his wealth shows that you appreciate him, and taking care of his
children and servants shows good management.
`The ninth and tenth of them are: never disclose any of his secrets,
and never disobey any of his orders, for if you disclose any of his
secrets you will never feel safe from his possible betrayal, and if
you disobey him, his heart will be filled with hatred towards you.
`Be careful, O my daughter, of showing joy in front of him when he is
upset, and do not show sorrow in front of him when he is happy,
because the former shows a lack of judgment, whilst the latter will
make him unhappy.
`Show him as much honor and respect as you can, and agree with him as
much as you can, so that he will enjoy your companionship and
conversation.
`Know, O my daughter, that you will not achieve what you would like
to until you put his pleasure before your own, and his wishes before
yours, in whatever you like and dislike. And may Allah (Subhanahu wa
ta'ala) choose what is best for you and protect you.'" 38
She was taken to her husband, and the marriage was a great success;
she gave birth to kings who ruled after him.
|
