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First Night
Flutters
This article is based on a series of questions that came from the "My
Body My Soul" egroup. It basically is addressing sisters (or brothers)
being nervous on the first night of their wedding, what they should do, should
they make the first move, what happens if the brother is not gentle or
sensitive, etc. Let me know what you think.
Tahira
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It is always a nerve-racking experience when the "First
Night" comes.
I think the two involved are going to have to work together to find what is comfortable for
them both. He may want to watch her undress but she may be too shy and
want him to turn away. She may begin to feel comfortable with him
the first night and just give him a kiss on the cheek or hold his hands or
massage his shoulders just to break the ice. HE may be the one who is
nervous. You know men get a bit jittery too.
He may wonder if he
will please his new wife, how long it will last (or how short); he may
wonder if he will be gentle enough or sensitive enough; he may even wonder if
she will be pleased with his body. You never know what is on his mind.
As far as everything happening the first night (intercourse), this will depend
on the two of them. If he or she or both are really nervous, they may spend the first night just talking and getting to know each
other. When bedtime comes, they may just hold each other until they fall asleep. On the other hand, they may just want to get it over
with so all the tension will subside.
Then comes recovery time.
Everything starts soaking in: I have a new husband, I lost my virginity (if she is a virgin of course), what if I am pregnant
already (which is possible), did he or she enjoy it, does he or she hate it (more likely she in this case), where do I go from here?
A new marriage is full of excitement, anticipation, and lots and lots of unknowns. There will be ups and downs, good times and bad.
Finding a comfort zone may take a while but every marriage has to go through this. Let your friend know that she will be fine. Let her
know to try to communicate what she is feeling so they can both enjoy each other. (This hurts, that is not comfortable, etc.) Like I said
before, he may be the one who is scared and doesn't know what to do next or how to get to "next." Take it slow and everything will be fine.
Hopefully helpful,
Tahira
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