|
Stress!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How to Deal With It and Actually Beat It
By:
Laura
Berman, Ph.D.
Jennifer
Berman, MD
Just think for a moment about your typical day. At bedtime,
it makes your head spin just knowing that the same routine will start all over
again in a few hours-the kids, the job, the dog to the vet, the car in the
shop, laundry, doctor's visit, dinner, bills, crying kids...and deep, aching
concerns about your discontent with your sex life.
Sex isn't even a blip on the radar screen. It's just another stress in
your life, another thing expected of you. Then there's the thought about the
pain you feel, the lack of orgasms, the weight you have gained, the anger or
resentment you feel ... stress...stress...stress. And the dark fear-am I
alone? Is it just ME? Often feeling so ashamed or alone that you are not even
able to talk to your best girlfriend about your lack of desire or response.
Stress. Sex often becomes another item on the "to do" list - one
that is all too often ignored and crossed off the list without being done.
Many women feel like there are so many demands put on them and they are so low
on the priority list, that they see sex as yet another chore to take on and
they resent it as well as their partners. Too often the sex is not enjoyable
because you're feeling too tired, too angry, or too distracted.
Many women experience far more stress than men, particularly if they are
full-time working mothers with small children. Many moms still take on the
bulk of child rearing responsibilities. Stress causes women to have far more
interest in sleep than in sex and can actually inhibit her ability to become
aroused (if there is even a desire for sex) and reach orgasm. On top of that,
when they are uninterested in sex or non-responsive, it often puts stress on
the relationship, creates guilt in the woman and only adds to her stress
levels.
We know that stress can cause all kinds of physical aliments including heart
disease, ulcers, and certainly lack of desire and lack of sexual response.
Even if you don't have children, the demands of work, a home, and maintaining
your relationship with your partner can also be stressful.
You probably don't need a list of things that can affect your sex life, but
here are a few signs?
* You're restless - you race from one activity to another* You're exhausted,
yet you may be sleepless
* You feel isolated alone or depressed
* You're not eating healthy food, opting for the fast burger or the leftover
pizza.
* You're falling into so-called "stress relieving" habits like
smoking and drinking
* You don't take time for yourself or you feel guilty when you do relax for a
moment
* You don't exercise regularly
* You become easily frustrated at your family and your temper shows
* You can't relax enough to become aroused, even when your partner is
supportive
While there aren't any easy solutions to reduce your stress, there are some
things you can do to ease the tension. Here are four steps that can help.
1. Make your relationship a priority.
This means actually setting aside time to be intimate with your partner,
either emotionally or physically. It may mean getting a baby sitter once a
week for a date night or something as simple as turning off the TV and putting
down the mail after the kids are asleep in order to spend some time chatting
or cuddling. Forget the dishes and laundry for once. Your partner and your
relationship deserve attention too! Whether your time together leads to
greater emotional and/or physical intimacy, it is really important to take
time out from work and parenting to connect with one another as a couple. If
being intimate at bedtime is impossible, try in a few minutes in the morning.
Sex can also be a great stress reliever and you may have a nice glow the rest
of the day!
2. Learn to say no.
If you're one who feels obligated to join every committee or contribute to
every project, step away from the guilt and ask "Do I really want to do
this? Or am I just doing it so that I'll be the good girl who's always willing
to pitch in?" You can say no! Even if you only say no to one or two
activities, you will free yourself from the pressure. There is such a thing as
manageable stress!
3. Talk to your partner
Your partner probably understands the stress you're under. Talking with
him/her can help both of you rearrange your priorities. It is crucial for you
and your partner to understand the importance of support and sharing domestic
duties. Let him/her take the kids to soccer practice while you take time to
read or have him vacuum while you try that new yoga exercise. You both will
benefit.
4. Take time for yourself
If you can clear just an hour or two from your weekly schedule to do something
for yourself you are on the way to recovering the sexual being who's been
hidden away. Do something strictly for you - it can be as simple as taking a
class or enjoying a cup of tea in the afternoon or reading a book.While these
tips may not eliminate stress from your life, they can help you look at the
things you are doing in a new light. You can take control of your sex life by
managing your stress. Learning to deal with stress is not the panacea, the
miracle cure. But it certainly is a good first step.
This article is taken from the website http://www.newshe.com
|
